Hey i've changed my blog to http://funnyhappysad.blogspot.com/
Monday, May 29, 2006
yea .. not been bloggin fer some time ... had to sit down and reflect lar .. everytings over now .. my mind is now at ease, hopefully the testimonial match yersterday went well .. finally back to my home ground - CSC .. despite some distractions by a ruinning banana .. everyting was great .. laughin bonding .. playing .. getting to noe the j1s .. and getting closer to the rest .. i gt 2nd in the tournament .. haha .. miss lim was first .. lol .. had a high game of 211 .. everyting was so cool .. yet still have those moments of anguish .. my mind is thoroughly sorted out already .. sometimes i cant help but break down .. but it's a normal fer mi i guess .. went pasta and chatted after tt .. and tt ends a memorable nite ..
now life goes on .. 2 weeks of sch is a bore .. sry mh .. i cant go bowl wif u and ernest now .. haha .. i'm in sch studying .. partly bcuz im lazy and i need to save money .. so yup .. back to studying .. hope to see everyone soon ..
2:47 PM
Thursday, May 25, 2006
finally its over .. everyting tts happened in the past mths .. will and have been consigned to the past .. getting past those trainings and these competition days .. have been so gruelling and draining .. ppl whu were dere .. the norms des kat ernest jia boon mel mh elsa shing rae auntie etc .. den yilong shuyan jiamin vicky nick .. haha .. how fun they've been .. studyin in sch wif dem .. playing joking .. weird stuff tt my good frens will not do .. finally beginning to enjoy yj .. haha ..
amazingly so .. my frens were saeing tt mel is my sis .. haha .. after 6 years and i didnt notice .. do we look the same ? .. haha i'm not bimbo lei . lol ..
8:40 PM
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
im physically tired .. mentally drained .. all that i have trained fer.. will end tml .. but tml will oso be the beginning .. to get better .. yup ... it will be the end of a journey ... end of yjc bowlin team 06 .. littered wif wonderful .. yet painful moments .. just tis last bit of strength i have .. to go fer my all tml .. after which i will collaspe .. even break down no1 will care realli .. i will just sit dere alone .. reflecting on these past mths .. tml .. yes wondering tml doubt dere'll be any1 to support us .. well .. grew to it .. depending on ourselves now .. cuz of selfishness around mi .. the spirit is gone .. nv felt such fake yet optismistic feeling before .. the disapperance of the key that could have propelled us forward we could have done well .. we would have excelled .. yet tradegy befell .. now its gone .. nv to be felt again .. all "could" ... but can i predict tt tis wun go wrong if everyting was rite ? .. NO .. so dere's no use in would .. its just a word fer the hopefuls .. yes .. i used to believe .. tt miracle will happen .. i've grown wiser.. i noe such tings dun exist .. a painful birthday i will hvae tis year .. just hiding myself frm everyone
10:24 PM
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
yupp .. just bought my nano .. haha .. after savin fer like 5 mths lar .. guess after those refection .. i start to noe myself better .. whenever i am not right .. i'll go on a spending spree . and not .. its the nano .. just like how i bought my those shoes and my crumpler bag .. hiaz .. guess i'll hvae to buy another bag now .. dun tink i'll buy a phone now .. but how i wish i could hvae her back .. but i noe i wun .. nv will it happen .. =( 2day A'div was terrible .. i was just terribly affected emotionally .. i've tried very hard .. i'm so sry to the team .. haha .. i guess i've let everybody down .. i'll be strong soon ... i promise .. i so mentally tired now .. how i wish i hvae $$ .. i would go 2 another place and start all over again .. away frm everyone else .. lookin at all of these reminds mi of those memories .. i dunno ... i guessed im not the stong type of person .. id just hide away .. i'll go as far as i can .. starting afresh seems like estacy ..
10:10 PM
Sunday, May 21, 2006
just came back frm playing tennis .. des mh and i ... haha ... damm cool lar .. we're onto every possible sport .. kinda of tired now .. weary .. just like tis feelin of tiring myself out .. so as u not to .... yep .. another day wasted like tt .. caught da vinci code yesterday .. long time since we went out wif mel ... me jia des boon ernest kat mel ... the show was not up to expectation i guess .. the plot .. flow .. expression wasnt dere .. sound kinada like gp now ... haha the self torture part was the coolest .. the rest was just plain ordinary .. well caught mi3 .. da vinci .. poseidon .. guess i better get back to my books soon .. comepetition is ending soon .. though i didnt do well .. guess deres no1 to blame but mi .. i could have ruled to be her's .. but after much reflection .. the problem lies wif mi .. i could just forget it and go on .. but no i cant .. my heart doesnt seem to listen .. i hope it does soon .. the last 6 games .. hope i can realli prove to everyone .. but the biggest one is - me ...
12:11 AM
Thursday, May 18, 2006
everyting has changed.. everyone around mi .. i cant stand it anymore .. i am real sick .. disgusted .. y cant peace prevail .. must dere be confilict .. deception.. lies.. back-stabbing.. these traits so keenly felt .. i dunno .. i just cant perform i guess .. in tis mental state i am gg through .. i've tired all means and ways .. just tokin bout can send tears rolling down .. not tt i dun wan to let go .. i cant .. maybe in time .. i've reached a conclusion .. i shall let time heal .. i realli dun have the mood to bowl tml .. after tokin to jm .. trying to console her.. i felt everyting i said oso imples on mi .. maybe it is worse .. i dunno .. just tt i cant tok like tt to myself .. i hope i can prove myself wrong .. i just lack the self believe now .. everyting now i shall just accept .. i no longer wanna challenge fate .. im now at yr mercy .. im sick .. tired.. and fearfull ..
7:23 PM
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
sometimes i feel i shoud have quit it ... after that i knew it tings werent as if seems .. being so naive will not help ... i cant help it .. it just wun go away ... u noe ... i start to hate you ... u noe i dun usually hate someone .. so thx .. u are one of the few ..
10:15 PM
Saturday, May 13, 2006
the dream .. how i wishe it was true those few hrs while my eyes are shut seemed so real .. yet so untrue .. wad these past few weeks have been .. hope i can 4get all when tis finally ends .. pure fantasy and estacy .. i need to feel numb .. numb of these feelings .. still have to lead my life .. someting which i have neglected fer some time .. i dunno where to start .. so have probs and flaws .. amazingly i am still alive .. just fer god to torture mi ..
11:24 PM
how it has passed ... fly it seems .. like a speedin bullet ... time i mean .. finally it draws to a close .. yup.. its bowlin i mean .. another 2 weeks and it will be over .. the fun .. excitement .. den the sorrow aggitation fear ... the last training ... how i had hoped fer tis day to come .. ironically .. i cant let it go .. i just hope i can do my best .. i'll show dem and prove dem wrong .. my life in sch .. tis is wad tt made mi like gg to sch .. still it was the one tt broke up everyting .. it was a major blow .. how i'll break down now fer no reason .. emotionally - unstable .. yet i have to be strong ... i cant let down my frens .. i will not show the weak side of mi again .. i went to the temple 2day .. how i have been critizing ... dere.. i poured my heart out .. everyting i needed to pray fer .. wad has made mi like tt .. the cheerful and fun shaun ... just a mere shadow now ... dun even noe y i break down now .. studies ? her? sch? bowling ? my frens ? my parents ? .. i dunno .. i will not noe .. if i die .. dere'll be no ans .. i feel damm depressed .. dun need to calm mi down .. the onli place fer mi to vent my frustrations ..
12:21 AM
Wednesday, May 10, 2006the exigency to be wif her
9:38 PM
Monday, May 08, 2006
wc just showed mi someting .. http://www.paulgoldin.com/colorgenics.htm .. tot it would be interesting to read ..
11:39 PM
i tot i overcame it ... sadly however i realised i didnt ... just a pale contrast of whom i was ... though quick to get up to my feet .. but still not dere yet .. i failed myself miserably 2day .. such weak mental i have .. i noe it should not have affected mi .. but it seems my emotions got the better of mi .. well .. tts life ... i have to learn frm my mistakes .. once i overcome tis .. i'll get stronger ... now .. to find back my life .. my frens .. the old .. and new ... just like how it was before ..
11:35 PM
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
haha .. yup .. its exactly a week.. how frm a distance i can see her leading her life .. while i ... am still drifting listlessly in sch ... feeling like breakin down everytime i see her ... it's just totally unfair .. even god is making fun of mi .. how loser can i get? before when we were 2gther .. trying to see each other in a day was near impossible .. 2day .. i saw her 4 times ... in morning's enrichment .. canteen .. audi .. and math extra lecture .. i cant help but turn to look at her .. hoping she'll turn and look back ... yet it didnt happen .. nv will it happen ... even the performance by the SAF "acapella" .. singing those songs ... i nearly broke .. i've tried so hard ... when i manage to get myself bz or 4get bout her .. she'll just pop up .. or sometings would just remind mi .. its realli too hard for mi to handle .. im on the verge of total collaspe ... wanting to see hold her again - is the perfect understatment
6:18 PM
The Insane
Shaun
Seventeen
2nd June 88
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